We decided to buy a lotto ticket.

A couple of the effin trainers from the effin gym decided to spring for a lotto ticket.

Not just any lotto ticket...

Like. A $387 MILLION jackpot. Tonight.

Come on wtf were we waiting for.  And, as requested, we will DEFINITELY rename the gym "The F*ckin Gym".  That will obviously be the first order of business.  Aside from having calories removed from ice cream and cookies.

In fact.  I'm in complete support of banners and flags and effin stickers to tattoo this town with "The F*ckin Gym".  Yeee-hawwww!  Mama needs a new pair of shoes.

effin family feuds

So on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays - I have a crew that is pretty regular.  I call em, My Guys, because they're mostly in their 50s and mostly like extra fathers to me (all 6 of them).

And what's kind of neat is how My Guys like to reel in their family members...wives AND kids. It's some kind of parental torture; they get such satisfaction out of kicking their kids' butts.

So.  Last night's class had a 5 minute finale - planking (oops!  sorry...not.)

And tonight I received this text:

"My father and I just had a planking competition in my family room because he thought he could plank longer than I could.  He was right.  I'll be at class on Thursday."

AHAHA!  That stuff brings tears to my eyes.  Only the effin gym can bring out those awesome fit family feuds!  But wait - it continues:

"Don't mention it to him - I don't want him to get the satisfaction!  We almost ended up going to the track because I told him I could run a mile faster than he could...now THAT one I'm positive of!"

Hell yes.

No 'dirty dirty' necessary? No effin way!

Big props to J-fizz's hubby, Big Daddy, for this find on MSN.com - on women and their gym time pleasures (click here for the full monty).  Apparently there is this fantastic new phenomenom, known as a coregasm, and it has to do with chicks getting off on excercise.

Who knew!

"Of the women who had orgasms during exercise, about 45 percent said their first experience was linked to abdominal exercises; 19 percent linked to biking/spinning; 9.3 percent linked to climbing poles or ropes; 7 percent reported a connection with weight lifting; 7 percent running; the rest of the first-time experiences included various exercises, such as yoga, swimming, elliptical machines, aerobics and others."

So there are going to be a few changes here at the effin gym.  First thing to go are free weights.  We won't be needed those anymore - grab a rope and get ready to feel the burn.  All about the face down, ass up - feel that good good like ya should should.  HAYYY.  (and sorry fellas, this only applies to you if you like to get spiked by the spin saddles.)

The effin trainers and the effin trainees here know that we perform on the floor so that we can perform elsewhere. None of that hanky panky whoregasm crap for everyone and their uncle to see.  Wtf is this - amateur hour??  Seriously ladies, pull yourselves together.  We trainers are not that good, and your abdominals are not that strong.  Sorry.  As J-fizz put it, "if this were true, I'd be a multi-trillionaire by now."

Right? 

Think of how many cancellations you wouldn't have; all that client retention and those multiple...sets...would have us worked to the effin bone(-er?).  Are you experiencing mounting, built up tension?  Well there's nothing that a good ol' fashioned foam roller can't bend out of you.  Warning: be prepared for you heart rate to dip below rest.


BOOM.  effin gym blogger: 1 / MSN and fluffy: 0

Cr@zy Trainer Lady Say What?

Whatchu Say?

Cr@zy Trainer Lady Say:  jump on dat bench!

Cr@zy Trainer Lady Say:  hula dis hoop!

Cr@zy Trainer Lady Say:  spin faster, b!tch!

Cr@zy Trainer Lady Say:  nuh uh! not done yet!

Cr@zy Trainer Lady Say:  fix yo'self girl...!


That's right - and don't you forget it.

*courtesy of the finest physical fitness trainers at the effin gym, brought to you by the one and only effin gym blog*